the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
