She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
