now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize