question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
