So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I enjoy the company of your penis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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