My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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