i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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