I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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