I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Green mimosas i think yes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
