I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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