Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
