k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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