I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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