i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
