I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
