Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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