i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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