Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
