Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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