Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When did angry sex become our thing?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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