yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
