making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
