i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
