I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
