i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
