Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
