im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
