Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
