I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
