Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i came on her dog
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
