He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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