Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
