i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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