is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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