there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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