I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We had to coat check the pizza.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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