somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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