I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
