when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
