Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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