it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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