If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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