Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
