so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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