If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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