Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
