I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize