Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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