just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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