Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
