I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
