You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
