Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
