He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
