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Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize