i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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