dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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