What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
