shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
